Parents often think that praising their children will automatically boost self-esteem and motivation hence, “Good job!” and “You are so smart!” may sound encouraging but studies show that not all praise is created equal. In fact, certain types of praise may unintentionally undermine children’s confidence, resilience and willingness to take on challenges.Yes, praise is powerful but it is also a double-edged sword. Research from psychology and education shows that the wrong type of praise can chip away at the very confidence that you as parents are trying to build. By shifting from ability-focused to effort-focused and from inflated to authentic, parents can nurture resilience, motivation and genuine self-esteem in their children.
The problem with “You are so smart” praise
One of the most influential studies on praise comes from psychologist Carol Dweck and her team at Stanford University. Published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, the 1998 research found that the children praised for their intelligence (“You are smart”) were more likely to avoid difficult tasks compared to those praised for their effort (“You worked hard”). Dweck explained that when children are praised for being smart, they see failure as an evidence that they are not smart, which discourages persistence. This suggests that ability-focused praise can foster a fragile sense of self-worth.
Inflated praise can backfire
Inflated praise may unintentionally send the message that children must always perform at exceptional levels, which can feel overwhelming. A 2014 study by Utrecht University, published in Psychological Science, investigated the effects of “inflated praise” (e.g., “You made an incredibly amazing drawing!”). The researchers noted that children with low self-esteem were more likely to avoid new challenges after receiving inflated praise.
Praise and motivation in the classroom
A 2017 study from the University of Chicago, published in Developmental Psychology, examined how teachers’ use of different praise types affected young children’s motivation. The study found that process praise (recognising effort, strategies and persistence) predicted greater academic achievement years later, while person praise (labelling traits like “smart” or “talented”) predicted lower resilience. The findings reinforce that how praise is framed has long-term consequences.
Praise can create pressure
Praise is not inherently positive. Its effects depend on whether it supports a growth mindset or reinforces performance anxiety. Decades of studies on praise and motivation have concluded that excessive or ability-focused praise can create performance pressure, making children more anxious about failing.Parents should praise effort, not fixed traits by saying, “I can tell you worked hard on this” rather than “You are so smart.” Be specific and highlight what exactly the kids did well (“You used great colours in that picture”). Avoid exaggeration as inflated praise can set unrealistic expectations. Encourage resilience by framing mistakes as a part of the learning process. Balance praise with encouragement. Instead of constant evaluation, sometimes just showing interest (“Tell me about your drawing”) builds confidence.
