When the world came to a standstill during the lockdown, Vijay Varma was forced to pause — and face himself. For an actor who had been living out of film sets, juggling one acclaimed project after another, the silence that followed became overwhelming. In an intimate conversation with Rhea Chakraborty, the Dahaad star revealed that the pandemic brought with it not just loneliness, but a crippling bout of anxiety and depression.“Lockdown was particularly difficult,” shared Vijay Varma in a heartfelt conversation with Rhea Chakraborty. “The Gully Boy released in 2019, and then I was flooded with work. Within a week, I was shooting Mirzapur, then She, then another one, then another one. I was shooting Dahaad… dada dada dada — shooting, shooting, shooting. Life was looking fab, and I didn’t have time to think about myself. I was constantly creating — movies, characters, art. I felt like I was living the best version of myself. And then, everything paused.”
‘I was all alone in an apartment in Mumbai’
When the pandemic hit, everything came to an abrupt halt for the actor. “I was all alone in an apartment in Mumbai. Luckily, I had a small terrace — I could see the sky, be with the elements. Otherwise, I would’ve gone mad. Actually, I did,” he admitted.The silence, he says, forced him to confront the parts of himself he had ignored for years. “That pause made me realize how much I was constantly running after work, making work my entire existence. And the by-product of that was — I was left all alone. You have friends, but you’re so busy you can’t meet them. I felt like I needed to be able to sit with people, have someone over, or go meet somebody else. Being all alone for four months was tough. I felt very lonely, very afraid. And then one day, I realized — why can’t I move from my couch for four days? What’s going on?”
Ira Khan and Gulshan Devaiah became his support system
Vijay shared that Ira Khan and Gulshan Devaiah became his biggest sources of support during that period. “At that time, Ira and Gulshan were like my little support system. Ira was assisting on Dahaad, and we’d all become good friends during the shoot. We’d video call each other on Zoom, have virtual dinners — that was our circle. But I kept deteriorating. Ira was the first to point out, ‘Vijay, I think you need to start moving a little, get some sun.’”He added, “She started doing Zoom workouts with me — she was my coach! She’s such a fitness girl, and I think she recognized something was off. Eventually, I spoke to a therapist because I was just unable to move. I met her on Zoom and was diagnosed with anxiety and depression — pretty severe at that time. She said, ‘If it’s manageable, fine, otherwise we’ll consider medication.’”
‘Therapy and yoga brought everything to the surface’
Determined to face it head-on, Vijay turned to therapy and yoga for healing. “I started therapy — and yoga. Both brought everything to the surface. I’d get on my yoga mat, and by the third or fourth Surya Namaskar, I’d collapse, crying for hours without knowing why. It was deep depression, mixed with unattended emotions and unresolved guilt,” he shared.Vijay admitted that one of his biggest emotional burdens was the guilt of leaving home. “A part of me still regrets it. When you leave, your family misses you. I never made peace with that. I sometimes wonder if my decision, though right for me, was right for everyone else. You put yourself out there for ten years, away from family, to do what? But now, when I see the joy and pride they feel, it makes sense. Back then, it didn’t.”
‘Men rarely talk about vulnerability. It’s seen as emasculating’
The actor reflected on how mental health is often stigmatized among men, especially in the entertainment industry. “Men, especially successful ones, rarely talk about their vulnerabilities or mental health. It’s seen as emasculating. But it’s so important. If people hear that even Vijay Varma struggles, it normalizes it. I’m glad Ira stepped in when she did. She encouraged me to move, to try therapy — and that changed everything.”He continued, “My understanding of anxiety is that it’s just unprocessed emotion. When you don’t let emotions out, they sit inside your body. If you allow yourself to feel, express, or even cry, the anxiety dissipates. But people are scared of feeling — that’s the real disease. You can’t keep brushing things under the carpet — they catch up eventually.”
‘Sometimes acting becomes a way to heal’
For Vijay, his craft became both an outlet and a mirror. “For actors, this emotional chaos can become a kind of addiction. The pain, the uncertainty, the confusion — sometimes, we use it in our art. It’s not healthy, but it happens. Those experiences make you more equipped to play complex characters. When you’ve gone through deep emotions, you understand human flaws better,” he said.“Sometimes, when I’m emotionally caged, I find it a blessing to go out and do a scene where I can finally express it. I feel free in that moment — to just be real, to let it all out. Many takes later, I realize I’ve not just acted, but healed a little too.”
